but you dont include me in anything and everything

so wahts the point right

bestie?

i dont think so anymore

you dont share

you dont care

I'm a train wreck in the morning

I'm a bitch in the afternoon

Every now and then without warning

I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle yes in deed

Ever complex in every way

And all the pieces aren't even in the box

And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

When I need attention I tend to nag

I'm a host of imperfection

Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given upI'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
Goddddddd!!!!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me


I hate my life



I imagine sometimes how my life would be like if I went to dalat since I came back from the UK. My English would be better. I would know world history. I would have a wicked awesome accent. I wont have problems with shit ass teachers in my school. I wouldn’t have to deal with this gang in my school that name themselves “the prefect gang”. Some of them are really nice and some of them make me want to get a gun and shoot them! Maybe that’s why guns are illegal in Malaysia. I really envy *my friend*. She gets to go to dalat. She gets to live the life I want. She gets to have an American-based syllabus. She gets to quit kk. She has it all. At this moment. I hate life. School is 90% of my life. The 10% is when I’m home. I everyday ask mom and dad if I have to go school the nex day and the answer is always the same.
Life sucks. End.


22.06.2007
My math teacher is like the devil. In fact, she is worst than the devil. The devil looks nice and friendly next to her. She’s a living breathing, walking, talking, and UGLY nightmare. Alive to make my life hell…bad…horrible. Words cannot describe how much she plagues my life. When she opens her mouth, talk she craps. Shouting. Screaming. Making my ears bleed with her so-called soothing voice. Picking on me because I represented the school for the debate and was away fro six days. I bloody hell represented the school!!! And you’re f*cking pissed at me? And YOU pick on me? (And Ranjini my fellow debater). I have sacrificed so much for the f*cking debate and competition and this is the “thanks” I get?! Vomit. She also hates me because I joined the drama competition. Is it my fault that I got the lead? Arg. She also picks on this group in my class. I mean, if were to do something wrong, it’ll be a BIG issue but if the prefect gang were to…its ok. WHY be so prejudice. You’re a fucking WHORE that’s why. She made 88% (I calculated…hey, its math J ) of the class stand that day for supposedly “not listening to her instructions” wtf. 29 girls did the same thing! Doesn’t that give you a clue?! Heloo!!! Maybe the four girls who did “correctly” were actually wrong! NOT THE OTHER WAY. I understand if you don’t have dress sense, a good haircut and that you’re not getting any at home but please don’t take it out on us! And she refuses to mark my work. WHY? Because I didn’t pass up. Well you said that “you pass up after PPT, I’ll mark. You pass up after holidays, I’ll mark. As long as you pass up”. Well she made up the crap rule about “if you don’t pass up the work before in that book I won’t make the recent work as its not complete yada yada yada yada bla bla bla”…you get the idea. I’ve been busy these few mornings, not my fault I’m a freaking prefect and I have duty in the mornings! I planned to see her on Friday to get everything ticked and marked and etc but she called me and asked me. So I told her what she told me…wait…us…the whole class la. And she was like “so you want to pass up now or not”
“But teacher, you said…”
“Don’t debate with me. I know you’re very good at debating”
I was thinking WTF BITCH! How does this connect to debating?
So I looked at her in the huh way and she looked at me and said “go back to your place. I don’t want to see your face anymore. Like this means…don’t pass for the rest of the year” thinking ill be like
OH NO TEACHER! DON’T ! Let me pass up. Let me lick your shoes. Let me be your slave because of math book 2”.
I walked back. Note to those reading my blog: the reserve psychology thing doesn’t work on me.
So, fine! I won’t pass up. And if she asks Ill quote her again. Plus, I don’t even need her. I got Sash and dad. Anyways apart from math, I really really really really times infinity hate school. Death is looking like a good option. There are many means of a painless death which I can choose from if I ever wanted to kill myself. But…I know my life will improve. Mum says keep your chin up and you’ll pull through. But I don’t think I can. I hate everything from teachers to the ministry. I don’t have much interest in subjects that I have to take. I want to have that choice. I want to learn world history not some Islam crap (no offence). In short, I want to go to dalat international school. I’ve been trying to convince mum since last year but she thinks it’s a phase or something. It’s not. I am deeply, truly unhappy. I feel so down. I wake up every morning. Sad. Because I have to walk through the gates of hell…once again. I don’t belong there. I belong in dalat. Among people whose education is not compulsory and international. I deserve that. I know I do. I cannot take it anymore. It’s like i'm screaming inside. No words can describe this feeling.


20.06.2007
School is such a drag. I dread waking up every morning. The hours are too early. The days become too long. The night before was spent “burning the midnight oil” (or so they say) doing homework, studying, tuitions, keeping awake because of school. By the time I actually sleep, it is nearly 3 am. I wake up at 6am. My three hours of sleep are too little for me to survive the say, let alone, concentrate. The lack of sleep makes my eyelids burn with desire to close every time I hear the drowning voice of the teachers. Pfft. Teachers. Where do I begin? My walking, talking, “teaching” nightmares. Making my life more terrible everyday. Doing it with a smile on their face. Making me feel as if there’s hell in my class. Their voice, the sound of death. Shattering glass as it is too high pitched or so low you would think it’s their last. The homework thy give me strips me of an afternoon of joy-filled activities. I feel as if I am trapped in a small room with barely enough space for me. My only happiness, a window. A window with the bright shining sun peeping through representing my hope. Making me feel sane in this crazy world I live in. I feel happy. For just a moment. A split second, but then, the piles of homework come. Stacking. Higher and higher. Until my window, my source of happiness, freedom, sanity and hope is covered. Making me wallow in the darkness and despair of which is my life. Making me slowly drift towards obscurity. I become nothing. An empty shell. A walking zombie. A creature of the night banished from the world of the day. Banished from the world of fun (or so it seems). I sometimes wonder, if it’ll ever lead a normal life. But just as the thought comes and I start to drift away…I wake up. I snap back into reality. I wake again into my nightmare which I call school. Is it really a mystery why we teenagers dread school? The food in school isn’t exactly what I call great either. The same old things I’ve been eating since the beginning of time. Sometimes, I don’t even think it’s hygienic. The people running the canteen stalls look so disgusting I’d rather eat on the floor at home. It is so much cleaner. The rules in school are just silly and make no sense. I understand the need for some but others are just out of the question. I come to school for an education (and may I point out I’m not exactly getting a good one) not to abide by some silly rules which I had to agree to by force. I don’t see how the color of my hair can affect what I get for my exams. Or how by wearing a colored bra will too. Does painting my nails make it any different? No! Then??? Why all the silly rules…I bet you these rules were put out there to ruin our life…miserable (or as I like to say it miserable-err). I curse the ministry of education everyday. And what’s up with them and enforcing KK? I don’t see the point of it. Wasting money to wear some stinky gay uniform (and may the designer be shot to death for designing such hideously ugly things) and stay back till 5pm in the afternoon. Heelllooooo. Am I the only one thinking straight here? Have the ministry people forgotten our homework pile, tuitions and out-of-school activities? They are inconsiderate…evil. There was once a time when Muslim students choose either agama or art for their spm…now…its agama all the way! Whoo-hoo =\
The religion Islam is actually a beautiful religion but because of the fanatics making the religion to what they like. I can get killed for this but I’m saying it anyway. Why do that. Don’t they realize they are making people look at the religion in disgust?! Making their own think that way too. I personally think if you’re a pure person….you’re good. All these little factors add up to my despair of hating school. I used to hate it but now I really HATE it. (I stress on the word HATE…HATE…DESPISE)
To put it simply:
Waking up early + homework + teachers + food + rules + religion + KK = I HATE SCHOOL

Oh wait…I’m missing something. Friends.
Friends. You think you know them but you have no idea. They bitch, backstab, lie and rate. Really. They say nasty things behind your back but are as sweet as candy in front of your face. I have had my share of it. Not once, not twice but throughout my life. People spreading rumors about me making other (stupid bitches) turn against me. And when I say people, I mean PERSON. There’s this one girl in my school who is sooo jealous of me, she spreads things about me. I mean, nasty things. Mean things. But I will never stoop to her level. I have dignity. I sit behind her and imagi8ne how I can torture her in the most unimaginable ways. It makes me feel better. What could she have possibly said? Well, ask the prefect gang in my school. They should know.
FYI: YOU THINK I DIDN’T KNOW ARR! I KNOW KAYHSS!









Panic Overdrive!
ROCKSSSSSS
my
SOCCKSSSSS

PANIC PANIC PANIC

*SCREAM*

that is all :))



Ok whoo

tuesday was AWESOME

I went skating at Queensbay

and sadly people...NO MORE STUDENT PACKAGE ahhhhh

so I had to pay RM16...full price

AND NO FREE DRINK EITHER

I mean...COMON!

Anyways, I went skating with

Emmilyn, Lissa, Debra, Kah Wei, David, Kenn, Gary, Daniel and uhrm...that's it. Steph was supposed to come BUT she cancelled last minute =\

STEPH IF YOU'RE READING THIS YOU'RE DEAD WHEN SCHOOL RE-OPENS

But before that...I was hanging with Ash darling and Hana

Hana and Honey

Ash was like so adoreable. Her giggle is sooo cute.

Its so awesome that even after SO MANY YEARS of not meeting, I still can hang with my former Std one friend.

I had fun wth thm and thn met up with the "gang".

Note: gang referring to people mentioned above

We went skating

and I LOVE SKATING I was making a turn and was going wayyy to fast and knocked two people and fell on my ASS

=

IT WAS PAINFULL!

but thn it got ok. so, I decided to go outta the rink and I saw the dude that I hit sitting down holding his hand.

Then his friends like called me there and I realised HE WAS BLEEDING

First thing that came into my mind was "SHIT!" thn "SORRY"

It turns out my watch had scracted him.

The green is me and the Blue is larry (dude I hurt)

"sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry"

"it's ok"

"sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry"

"never mind. accidents happen"

"sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry"

"its ok."

"sorry, anything I can do? If you need to go to a Clinic...Ill pay your bill..."

"Got tissue?"

"no...bt my friend does"

so I got tissue

I kept all my accesories in the locker and went again to the dude that I hurt

"sorry. sorry. Anything else? Im really sorry"

I MEAN IT WAS BLEEDING rather badly

"got plaster?"

again, emmilyn to the rescue

"sorry. sorry. tdhui pu chi" Note: that means sorry in chinese =]

"its ok"

after a while he carried on skating again and everything was cool.

I got abit paranoid after that....and was kinda slow

but safe and not knocking into anyone

Emmilyn was losing balance at one point and she grabbed on to me

I hugged her so that he was more steady and just as we got steady two dudes (from Larrys gang) lost control and was heading straight at us. one dude hit the other dude and the other dude hit emmilyn and emmilyn was holding on to me so...

BANG

BANG

BOOM

BANG

we all fell. I was on top everyone though.

xD

And may I jsut say that Gary is one WEIRD skater

His legs were like STIFF and he kept falling

he banged into me and emmilyn once but I ok =]

In otherwords, i didnt fall

haha

*points and laughs at people who fell*

and and

I SAW SABBY WABBY THERE

yays

i skated for 3 hours and went home.

Emmi ate at my place and we went tuition

came home

showered

Slept

THE END OF A PERFECT DAY =]...well sorta

_______________________________________________________________________



Ok. today

today I went to see my cousins

and Gramma

IT WAS AWESOME

my gramma got me such preety things

and Im NOT being sarcastic

And my cousins were very well behaved today

they said "welcome, tahnk you, please"

And even listened when we talk

such angels

=]

Above: My cousin

Below: His shirt =]

Below:Malaysia's next top model perhaps?

My cousin

AND

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HOney
Hoping
dreaming
wanting
a
better
tomorrow
___________

HATES SCHOOL



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